In Puri again awaitng our train

We are back in Puri awaiting a 22hour train journey through Andra Pradesh.
The past few days have been very chilled at Chilka Lagoon we had the best hotel room so far with a balcony overlooking the lagoon.Most of our time was spent sittting here reading. I have caught sophie's bug of reading at every spare opportunity however i'm still not even reading half as fast as her, she reads about 500 pages a day I read about 150, she's like a woman possesed devouring them one after the other.I decided to go for a walk on my own on the first morning and it was very quiet and peaceful with little fishing hamlets and small groups of fisherman laying there nets to catch prawns I felt a bit uneasy because it was so quiet and felt completely out of place in my western clothes ans white skin, most of them where wearing very little and looking at me like I was insane just walking through the fields.I decided to imagine I was David Attenborough and sat watching the birds and cragonfly's with his voice running through my mind describing the behavior and making up names for the birds. I then spoke to a couple of villagers who knew english and told me how they fished and wanted to know if I had a wife. Then they wanted to know my business, After being asked this many times and realising the ridiculousness of a gym to these people I just say doctor and they are obviously very impressed.
We are having a few communication problems every now and then alot of people don't understand me I don't know if its my London twang but them understand Sophie better, this wouldn't be as much of a problem but people generally just say yes when they don't understand and its annoying.
also there a problem with numbers, I usually say two and I get three maybe there's a ghostly figure people see behind us or in the case of getting the boat four ghostly figures as I said two please and he asked six? and I said two sticking two fingers up and he responded six, this proceeded for a minute untill he had over six tickets and I gave him back four of them.
The boat trip was nice we saw dolphins and I learnt taking pictures of them are difficult and pointless as you just see a grey blob in the water, I was dissapionted there was no jumping out of the water or tricks, and Sophie informed me that was usually more likely to be seals and at sea world.

Some random pictures

Kibber village, the worlds highest settlement with electricity in the Himalayas, Park Street Cemetry, Kolkata, Mountains in Shimla and, of course, Gaylords restaurant, Kolkata

Puri

Just to bring you up to date on our movements we are in Puri a Seaside town in the region called Orissa.I was dissapointed however at the lack of deckchairs, amusement arcades and a theme park, the fish and chips is a bit odd too. It(obviosly) has a huge temple as almost every town in our guide book directs us to towns with huge temples.We went to see it yesterday but couldn't go in because were not hindu(how do they know we havent converted, its all a bit racist to me). Anyway I'm getting fed up with temples I think Natural beauty is much more our thing. We were able to get a slightly better view of the temple from the Library roof next door, you have to sign a book however and give a donation. They cleverly make everyone write down the donations so obviously every one has two Zero's added and one American obviously could wait to part with 3000 rupees to stand on the roof of a condemned building about 300metres from the Temple. Our contribution of 10 rupees was greeted with some looks of contempt(obviously Donation is a loose term) so we said we only had 30 and looked hopefully at them, they "gave in" and let us through feeling like cheapskates which is bollocks really the only usefull thing I got out of going up to the roof was spotting a Cashew nut shop which I puchased some of the best Cashew nuts I've ever tasted, simple mind simple pleasures.
Paul xxxxxxxxx

One more thing

Tom - the reason you don't have a girlfriend is you beacuse your constantly stalking celebrities mums. You should start your own magazine or reality TV programme on 'Celebrity Parents'. The first issue could deal with your relationship with Jade Goody's mum - just what were the 'unimportant reasons'? Is it cos shes a Millwall fan and that's their only way of communicating?

Diwali in Konark

We took a packed bus to Konark - however, Paul got to sit down as the crowd parted and we were ushered to the back of the bus. Paul comandeered the only available seat on the basis of his 'weak constitution' which menat Sophie had the joy of meeting a man who among many other pearls of wisdom, imparted the information that 'all Indian women treat their husbands as gods' - we think he may be in for a shock when he gets married. He also found it impossible to understand a word paul said and when Paul stopped attempting to communicate declared he was a 'nice, gentle, simple boy' with a look of sympathy for a halfwit.
When we got to Konark it was Diwali and there were candles and incredibly loud firecrackers everywhere. We bought sparkles and Paul was very scared they would take our faces off cos they weren't British licensed.
We then went for dinner and happened to walk into a restaurant where they were having a Kali puja which we were invited to join in. We weren't intending to join in, we only wanted a picture but we ended up throwing flowers at the image of Kali and were encouraged to join in chanting round the fire. After this the people involved were our best friends and one of them repeatedly declared his love for us and all things English including the Raj and was a bit disappointed when we weren't too enthusiastic about it. He also told very detailed horscopes for us - Paul has to watch out for two tall men, one of whom will have light brown skin, and a very short woman who will cause him trouble and will also feel bad until January 15th when all will become better. In contrast to the other man he also claimed all Indian women had extramarital sex. Despite being a bit freaked out by him we went back there every day cos everyone else was really nice. The main highlights in Konark were the temple and the beach and our bike ride through the very peaceful villages at sunset with lovely scenery, cool breezes and a woman going down on a man in his car.....so maybe crazy man was right.........

Bhubaneswar - the place your travelling dreams go to die

After leaving lovely Kolkata, which was lively, friendly and attractive, Bhubaneswar came as something of a contrast. The only hotel with a room free was at the top of ten flights of stairs, stank mysteriously of engine oil, and involved clambering over a number of random people sleeping outside the room. After absorbing the atmosphere for about ten minutes, we decided to head out in search of entertainment and food. We headed to a restaurant recommended by our guidebook - signs were ominous when they reacted with shock when we asked for food and then ushered us into a room with a single table and chairs and a water coolling noise that constantly emitted a moblie phone-ringtone like jingle. After discovering that most things on the menu were not available, we headed to the Plaza which bore the legend 'a/c bar and restaurant'. What it should have said was 'dark, seedy hellhole with a stench of death (which on closer examination was the toilet) inhabited by the drunks of Bhubaneswar, quietly drooling in corners and trying to forget they live here. Don't come in if you have trouble seeing as we have only one lightbulb and no windows so only one table and the mouldering, spidersweb encrusted Diwali (?) decorations are illuminated.' But they probably couldn't fit that on the window. After a very small meal, we retired to the engine oil paradise with a solitary Kingfisher (our first beer in about a month - can't think why we chose Bhubaneswar to have it) and watched an American sitcom called Hope and Faith which ironically destroyed whatever hope and faith we had left.

To be fair in the morning it was an almost alright place (Bhubaneswar not the Plaza) with some cool temples and a great restaurant and we are now in Konark which is absolutely stunning but we have now run out of time to say anything nice but hey bitching is so much more fun!

Love Paul and Sophie

Kolkata

Basically I'm getting tired of the blog, our last five days have consisted of lying in our beds as we have discoved TV again after a month without we have realised again its power, the power to make us beyond our will watch, Cricket, Will and Grace, and the Jay Leno show.Enough said for the moment.
Paul

To make up for the lack of posts.....

in the last week or so, we have finally got round to putting the photos on CD. So, from the bottom up - Keoladeo Bird Sanctuary at dawn (before i got the hang of previewing so was just guessing which picture 100_683 was and then couldn't delete), the Mosque next to the Taj Mahal which Paul greeted with the words 'I don't know why they bothered with this, it's shit compared to the Taj', the riverside palaces at Orchha which we were very excited by, well they are quite nice you have to admit, and spent about 2 hours climbing up and down, the bathing Ghats at Varanasi and, last but obviously not least, the Gaylords ice cream van. There are a lot of things called Gaylords in India and so far Paul has had to take a picture of all of them - for me the hilarity has waned somewhat but I didn't want you to miss out! Incidentally while Paul was framing this exquisite shot, I made the mistake of sitting down at which point a self-proclaimed 'holy' man enforced a blessing on me and then demanded 2000 rupees. Paul then announced he was about as holy as his arse and gave him a few rupees to stop going 'good karma' in our faces and we left. Varanasi, which is where this happened is an amazing place, very beautiful with old streets which you get lost in very easily and an atmosphere like nowhere else but at the same time it has the most persistent and downright rude touts in India that I've experienced. However the people visiting aren't much better - sticking their cameras in peoples faces as they try to bathe in the Ganges, or gawping at funerals or just being a bit twatty like the guys at our hotel who tried to get competitive over who was playing more games with the local kids (sample quote - 'Yeah but I was playing football and kinda fighting AT THE SAME TIME', truly bizarre). Still it says a lot about the place that we still loved it, especially when we went for a boat ride at dawn. Paul also found a yogi who he loved and did a lot of yoga sessions with - at one point I was slightly worried he might leave to go wandering India with him, but then I reminded him that there is a lack of loo paper in such situations which brought him back to earth.

We are now in Kolkata (Calcutta before the Bengali nationalists changed it last year) which the elusive Mr G can tell you about as I have now run out of time.

Love to all

Sophie xxxxxxxxxxxx

The all new lizzie bardsley blog

It is clear Lizzie is a big hit with our readers so I have decided to dedicate the rest of the blog to discussing her for the next year..... Actually paul and I did come up with a good story for you - another 'celebrity ' with an image problem is...andy fordham! A match made in heaven! Not only could they reveal their steamy love secrets to 'the people' but they could then, as ex-fit club contestants, produce a book on their tragic battles with their weight and a subsequent range of fitness merchandise! Seriously I'm a Max Clifford in the making...Paul took it a step further by suggesting tom could join them in their antics - a saucy three in a bed romp like that could make your career (poss headline: Lizzie made a Viking out of me?)
I now promise not to mention Lizzie for the next three entries....Paul is better but still recovering - we did manage to make it to a few of the palaces this morning and I walked out to another one yesterday afternoon - they are absolutely stunning but I'll just go all drooly if I try and describe them so you'll have to wait for the photos (i know we've been promising them for ages...)
But basically just letting you know we're all safe and well apart from a cow (with horns) trying to headbut me which has left me with a very sore thigh and a paralysing fear of cows which as anyone who has been to india can confirm is a slight problem.....I'm sure I'll be over it by tomorrow.
Love Sophie
Oh just realised - Andy Fordham = 26 stone British darts legend, nicknamed the Viking, for those who are not as heavily into the worlds best sport as me and paul

Sorry Dave....

...but your wishes for safe stomachs seem to have jinxed us. Even before we read your comment both paul and I indulged in a bit of public vomiting although it was kind of our fault - me for having malaria pills, a garlic tablet (yet another thing to ward off the mosquitos which isn't working) and fanta for breakfast which I regurgitated outside the post office - we went staright to the head of the queue so it wasn't all wasted effort although garlicky fanta puke with a chemical aftertaste isn't nice just for anyone who's wondering. Paul then decided to have a midday workout in the blistering heat followed by a chocolate bar with predictable results. Then as paul so elegantly put it I got the shits for a day and now Paul has a similar problem - as usual when paul gets ill it's all been a bit dramatic but he has now recovered enough to start demanding random bits of food and is claiming he's a superhuman for getting better. So no updates on india cos we haven't really seen that much except bathrooms for the last few days - hopefully this will change and I can leave a less bodily function related post soon.
Love Sophie
Incidentally loving the random celebrity trivia from tom - I'm ashamed to admit I actually know who lizzie bardsley is and whoever gets her is a lucky lucky man...........

Doing the lesbian

We are currently in Bharatpur where we arrived yesterday, this morning we got up very early to beat the midday sun and go to to the nature reserve famed for its migrating birds. The park was quite big and looked like typical Indian jungle complete with snakes, jackals and tiger, yes just the one, which is rarely seen, despite this Sophie was scared shitless by it even though there was more chance of us dying of dehydration as we had no drinking water with us and walked around for 5 hours in the baking heat(it was about 80degrees when we got up and 100 by the time we got back)O yeah and the birds where lovely for about an hour then I got pissed of with our guide telling us we were looking at what looked to me like a wierd Blackbird for the fifth time and then spotting our hundredth Kingfisher,(in the last hour I couldn't have given a fuck if there was a pink triceratops crossing my path I was so thirsty).
Despite my whingeing,i'm having a great time, apart from men asking us if we want rickshaws, then following us down the street reducing the price to 2 rupees,(obviosly the words NO I DON'T WANT A FUCKING RICKSHAW is yes I would love one bus the price is a bit steep)
However the drivers are funny, mainly the cycle ones as they obviously go a bit mental peddling whole families in the blistering heat, across suicidal traffic.One guy taking us home innocently asked us questons about our jobs ands when we wanted kids and how do two women have sex............yes thats right he wanted me to 'tell him about different kinds of sex' Sophie had to make herself scarce into the room, and I then had to keepa straight face as we went into the finer points of strap ons and fisting (obviously what I've been told by chance) then he keept pointing to his tongue and saysing 'doing the lesbian' at wich point he looked forlorn and said he tried to do it to his girlfriend but she hit him, so I told him to get her drunk first.
So if anyone needs any tips just send an e-mail
Despite not thinking I would miss people I keep thinking of things to do when I get back imagining it only being a few days then realising its ages away.
Love you all very much and don't forget to send an e-mail every so often to let us know your ok.
love Paul